Today’s post was written by a brand new contributor to The Home Loving Wife, Jessica Markoya. You can get to know her more here. Enjoy!
I’m passionate about this topic because it’s something I actually deal with every single day. Confession: I can sometimes be fake and cold towards God. Anyone else? It bugs me, so I’ve learned to sense it and readjust accordingly. God doesn’t want my hypocrisy. He’s tired of it and I’m tired of it. I crave authenticity in my relationship with Him, which is exactly what He wants too.
The truth is that I don’t want Him more than I do. It’s easy to be too content with just a little bit of God. But I want to want Him. Deep down I want to be a woman that is absolutely enthralled with God. I want to treat Him like He’s real, because He is!
Now I’m not talking about beginning a new relationship with God, because you can’t earn your way there. You are accepted simply because of what He did on the cross. But, there is so much more available to us than we go after.
So my friends, for the sake of those of you who might be like me and are not always passionate in your walk with God, but want to be….I dare to share what I do to wake up my lazy heart….
Sometimes I can be in denial that my heart is cold and try harder and harder to prove to God that I want Him. When I come to terms with my weakness, everything changes. He understands that I’m human and is waiting to help.
That conversation might go like this: “God, I would rather do so many other things than talk to you, but I want to want you more. Please give me the desire to pursue you.”
Asking Him for desire puts my heart in the right place and I am coming to the only one who has the power to change my soul. And you know what? He answers. He wouldn’t tell us to draw near to Him if He didn’t plan to be there for us. He knows how to guide us to a deeper relationship with Him and if we’re teachable, we’ll get there.
I keep a journal to record my relationship with God. It helps me anticipate Him working in my heart. If I really ask Him for desire and am ready for change, He’ll show me the specifics. Many times there is sin, disobedience or a distraction that needs dealt with. Allowing Him the access to point out what needs to be changed hurts, but it is so exciting because it means God wants me.
It’s easy to assign thoughts to others and I actually sometimes do this with God! If we could just accept God’s love and intentions toward us, without question, it would change everything. I have the cutest daughter named Penelope and she knows that she is wanted. That trust allows her to be herself with me. Likewise, if we would just trust Jesus’ love and forgiveness of our sins, we would come to Him more openly and frequently, unafraid to be ourselves.
It often helps me to consciously remember everything that God has done in my life and where we’ve been together. I really connect with music and it has the power to wake up my soul. This is super embarrassing, but “All I ask of You” from the Phantom of the Opera is our song and it turns my heart right around and brings me back to those precious beginnings of our relationship. This can be different for each person. Maybe for you it’s a book, a place, a particular verse or re-reading old journals.
I sometimes over-complicate prayer, but really it’s just talking to God! He wants me to be open and share every little thing that is in my heart. When I feel distant from God, sometimes just having a long chat about everything on my heart turns it around. We work through it all and He wants the raw and unedited Jess. Amazingly, He also wants to share His heart with me if I give him the time and space! He does that through His Spirit in our hearts and through the Bible.
Motherhood can be hectic and there are days when I just can’t sit down to spend time with Him or sadly, I forget Him entirely. I need consistent habits that remind me to daily rekindle my heart. I try to start off my day with a simple “Good morning, Jesus” and that act invites Him into my life. I also keep a saying on my iPhone screen that says, “Stay with me, Jess”. I love that He wants to be involved in my everyday mom tasks of diaper changing and Winnie the Pooh story times. And as I train my heart to remember Him, life becomes one long conversation with Jesus, whether we’re verbally talking or not.
So friends, I hope this little window into my heart helps you see that you’re not alone. Don’t settle for a mediocre, lifeless relationship with God. He wants you to know Him and He promised that if you search for Him with all your heart, you’ll find Him. Get creative with Him and start pursuing Him like you would your closest human relationship and see what happens. Don’t overcomplicate it.
I would love to hear about how YOU practically rekindle your relationship with God, so feel free to share in the comments below!